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Cannibals and Other Humanitarians. A guy walks into a restaurant and the day's special was beef tongue. He says to the waitress, "I don't want anything that came out of an animal's mouth. I'll have two eggs instead. A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?

A man walks into a restaurant and says, "How do you prepare your chickens? We just tell 'em they're gonna die. A reporter hears about an old Indian chief with a phenomenal memory. He decides to interview the chief so he tracks him down and knocks on the chief's door.

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The chief opens the door and the reporter says, "How. Without hesitation, the chief replied, "Eggs. Twenty-five years later, the reporter was retired and traveling the country and happened to be in the chief's neck of the woods.

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He says to himself, "I think I'll see if that old Indian chief is still around. The reporter said, "How. Do you know what the difference is between a pizza and a giraffe? Boy, I'm never sending you out for pizza!

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I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, "Well, that's not going to happen. The best part about fighting your way to the top of the food chain is that you can choose to be a vegetarian or not. The good news is that I lost 30 pounds on this all-popcorn diet. The next time you feel like complaining, remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in this world. An astronomer is on an expedition to Darkest Africa to observe a total eclipse of the sun, which will only be observable there, when http://hnusta.info/bu/cute-instagram-bios-about-your-girlfriend.php captured by cannibals.

The eclipse is due the next day around noon. To gain his freedom he plans to pose as a god and threaten to extinguish the sun if he's not released, but the timing has to be just right.

So, in the few words of the cannibals' primitive tongue that he knows, he asks his guard what time they plan to kill him.

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The guard's answer is, "Tradition has it that captives are to be killed when the sun reaches the highest point in the sky on the day after their capture so that they may be cooked and ready to be served for the evening meal.

The guard continues, though, "But because everyone's so excited about it, in your case we're going to wait until after the eclipse. Did you hear about the cannibals that were playing cards in the jungle, and one of them threw up a perfectly good hand? Two cannibals met one day in the jungle: Two cannibals were sitting by a fire and one of them says, "Gee, I hate my mother-in-law.

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Two guys are captured by cannibals and they're stuck naked in a big pot of water over a fire and the water gets hotter and hotter and all of a sudden, one guy starts laughing, and the other guy says, "What's so funny? You know you drink too much coffee when Juan Valdez names his donkey after you. Starbuck's owns the mortgage on your house. Cheap Thoughts on Science. Really Cheap Thoughts Index.

Maybe you should here. When you have Instagram-envy for what everyone else is eating for breakfast, get a fancy avocado toast or berry toast delivered to your door. But you're not a diva because you're a nightmare. Those slide right down, and I still have room so we go for my favorite thing on their menu: Seriously, you are always here!