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Can You Be Friends With Your Ex?

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20 Aug I was seeing this guy earlier on this year, it was a casual sort of thing - not casual in a fwb sort of way, but more dating than full on relationship, although he did have a period of saying he loved me and 'future talk', but I told him I couldn't do hat yet and then things sort of went wrong; we started arguing a lot. 28 Jul That's not to say that coming clean is easy, when friends begin dating each other, there's naturally a lot more at stake. "I think going from friends to more than that is often scary because if it doesn't go well, it's pretty much impossible to go back to your friendship the way it was before,” says year-old Laura. 4 Feb By not overtly expecting sex, commitment, or even compatibility upfront, and instead focusing on just creating a series of fun, memorable experiences, we had implicitly set the precedent for a friendship-first approach to dating. This friendship-first approach has fundamentally changed my understanding of.

Community Links Members List. Hello, I just joined to post this and I'm not sure where it belongs exactly but hope it's ok in here.

Ask Wendy: Dating Your Friend's Ex

I was seeing this guy earlier on this year, it was a casual sort of thing - not casual in a fwb sort of way, but more dating than full on relationship, although he did have a period of saying he loved me and 'future talk', but I told him I couldn't do hat yet and then things sort of went wrong; we started arguing a lot about our feelings, he started blowing hot and cold and then he ended things a few months ago. While we've been split up, we've remained on quite strange terms - we haven't got on too well but he's been coming to see me roughly once a week it's not planned that way, just so happens like that and most times we have ended up sleeping together, which has been a mutual thing.

He's also been saying he likes me, I'm always on his mind, I'm special, different to his exes, and saying he's really confused that he feels a lot for me, but not enough to want to date me again. Since we've been split I should add, I decided that I was wrong about my feelings when we were actually dating before, and I DID like him more than I thought Before going away, he said he wanted to see Watch Boy Girl Online he missed me and to try and sort out his feelings, as he didn't know whether he doesn't want me just because I want him.

He said he Dating To Friends Back To Dating complete NC for the time he was away, and then we'd meet up and take things from there. I was ok with that as I felt I needed that too.

Since we've been split I should add, I decided that I was wrong about my feelings when we were actually dating before, and I DID like him more than I thought I know I try not to but this one caught me because I know I would go back after just being friends with a man Optimize your online dating profiles for friendship. That ended up being our first date.

He said he still wants to see me next week as we had planned and that after that we will continue to text occasionally as friends and meet up again "sometime in the future". Later on in the conversation when I had asked how he had come to that decision so quickly, he said he's been busy so hasn't had much time to think about me, that I had made him realise where he had been going wrong all this time and that he needs to be friends with a person first before trying to get into any sort of dating or relationship.

He also said that recently we haven't even managed to get along as friends and if two people can't do that, then how could there be any sort read article relationship All that makes sense obviously, but I was confused how he could say he Dating To Friends Back To Dating never say never, but just a minute before had effectively done just that by saying "you're just not for me".

I asked him that exact thing and he replied that that is how he feels at this moment in time - he doesn't want a relationship with anyone at the moment but doesn't know how the future will pan out.

I don't know whether he was trying to let me down gently what do you all think about that? Is it possible that someone can develop feelings for another person when they're only seeing them as often as I described above? Or could it be that now he has boxed me into the 'friendship corner' that he will never see me in any other way? I've never been 'just friends' with a guy and much less with one that I dated for a while If anyone could answer my questions without saying "go NC" that would be great - because as it stands at the moment, he is coming to see me next week and if I spend the entire time wishing he would kiss me or feeling upset read more he has no feelings for me, then I WILL go NC anyway for my own good.

But I'm posting this on the assumption I feel fine after he comes to see me. Share Share this post on Digg Del. And also, could someone explain friendzoning and why it's so bad if you want to ultimately get back with an ex? Just seen it mentioned on another thread but don't get why being friends with an ex means that you can never rekindle a relationship?

Originally Posted by zephyrus. Originally Posted by gothicrose. Since he ended things click here about 3 weeks or constant arguing, all of which were initiated by me, trulyall we've done is argue.

I kind of feel like the idea of a relationship is tempting to him, but since we split I started being this nagging woman that kept tabs on him, asked him to come over every few days and when he couldn't, I wouldn't accept it and kept badgering and blackmailing until he came round - not blaming myself totally as he had his part to play in it all too, but I can see why my behaviour might have freaked him out, as it felt serious and maybe he felt tied down, without us actually being together!

That's why I thought being friends might be an option; just us spending time together and getting on, without having sex OR defining things. Just see how it goes and if it leads to nothing more than friendship, then we'll hopefully be friends for life. I would really appreciate a few more opinions, if anoyne has any? My original thread about my situation is a few threads down the page, I only got one reply I think and then no one answered my 'updates' Ok most recent thing, is I spoke to him today.

He had originally said he was going to come and see me this week Thursday after he had got back from his time away with family, but I phoned him yesterday and after saying he wanted to be friends, he liked and respected me and wanted to continue seeing me as a friend for a coffee now and again This morning when I phoned, he said he wasn't going to come over on Thursday - or ever - as he can't be bothered and because his feelings have disappeared, he isn't attracted to me any more, wants nothing more to do with me as I "ruined it" yesterday by arguing with him.

Obviously I couldn't just leave it like a sensible person, so I kept asking why he'd said such and such in the go here, or last week, or the previous day He also said a couple of times that if I hadn't "ruined it" by arguing yesterday and proving we aren't compatible, then he would have "been happy to come and see you sometimes, get on, text and the occasional phone call and then It ended with me sending a text asking for the hundredth time him to just come over on Thursday and he replied "Ok now F-off".

I said I wanted a genuine reply and he said "I said I will come and see you on Thursday. Now F-off and leave me alone". Now clearly, he won't come round on Thursday I will always see him occasionally through work, just as a passing-by, hello type situation.

He is in touch with a couple of his exes; they 'like' each other's comments on facebook sometimes, the occasional text and that kind of thing, and he's said he "never says never" as feelings and situations change; so is there any chance and should I keep things like, scale it right back like he said and just text a "how are you" every so often and be polite when I see him at work, or should I go complete NC for a few months say until December, when I'm next likely to see him at the work christmas party and then see how the land lies Is complete NC necessary in this case?

And as i said; is there any chance of a reconciliation in Dating To Friends Back To Dating near-mid future? That's a tough situation, sorry to hear.

My honest opinion is I don't think your situation looks very promising as far as a near-future reconciliation is concerned.

The reason I say this is because if you are in fact competing with these other exes' attention, whatever you do will only make things harder for you. Letting him get away with saying things like, "F-off" or placing the blame on you for ruining the climate for reconciliation. If you B stop fighting for him, chances are he will shift his focus towards other options, and you'll be on the backburner at best.

Not a fair place for you to just stand by and hope he comes to his senses. I'm in a similar situation, Dating To Friends Back To Dating I understand. There is no miracle solution, imo the best thing for you to do is gracefully bow out and not allow him to have such control over you and your emotions. He doesn't sound like the greatest guy right now. If you go NC, he will either A realize he misses you immediately B move on to someone else and you will know it wasn't meant to be or C he'll realize the grass isn't so green and come crawling back after some amount of time.

I feel pretty strongly that you trying to directly influence him is only going to put you through needless heartache. Right now I'm sure he feels you are at his beck and call, now is the time to start showing him that is not the case. Hopefully some others will chime in too, wishing you the best. Last edited by Dating To Friends Back To Dating 26th August at 1: This is a big mess.

If anything, you should go NC. This guy doesn't want anything to do with you. His capricious ways aren't any good for you In his eyes, you aren't compatible.

Nothing you can really do.

Dating To Friends Back To Dating

But why do you want a guy who would tell you to leave him the F alone, for? Doesn't sound like a good friend though he obviously was annoyed with you. Best that you let this die, move on to a more compatible person.

Dating To Friends Back To Dating

This cannot work out, and you two aren't getting along. Go absolute unbroken NC. Not what you wish to hear Lylat - well I'm not directly competing as such; when he said leave me alone as all I do is hassle him, I mentioned his exes and how he hasn't cut them out, and of course he said "they don't hassle me, they just 'like' my posts on facebook every now and again! So it evens out" He always said he thought about me differently to his other exes, 'cared more' kind of.

And I'll see him more often, as we work together and there are office parties etc.

Ashley and Kelly

I know he won't go for anyone else any time soon; he does clearly need and want to stay on his own as he's renovating his house at the moment, he's also at the age where most people are married and he's kind of almost retirement age Todd - I know, I suppose if he talks to me with no respect, even when annoyed although he does it a lot then he doesn't have any respect and so I shouldn't want him anyway. You gotta accept that with some things there just isn't a future.

No one knows the future, but his current actions and thoughts tell me, he doesn't want a future. What of your own read more respect? You gotta be a woman, that you are, Dating To Friends Back To Dating strong, and have self respect. Do not fawn over this guy. One, you two don't get along.

Explore those feelings and spend lots of time getting to know the different sides of your friend before you make a move. I'm in a similar situation, so I understand. She quickly connected us via Facebook, where her friend and I immediately hit it off and subsequently spent the whole weekend together.

Two, you are beautiful and strong enough to have someone else, who will show you some respect. Hi, It sounds like, to me, that you are quite a "needy" person. You also appear to have some anxiety issues with your thinking about his ex's and with him. All this will do is push him away, as you've been experiencing. Fearing his ex's is never a good thing for you, or for him. Imagine someone always on at you - after a while, you'd want to escape too.

He feels at the end of his rope. Focus on where your feet touch the bed and where your arms and hands touch the bed.

5 Couples Give Advice for Dating a Friend

Concentrate on your breathing and outside noises. Do this for minutes. Now once relaxed, think clearly about the situation.

What would I honestly do if things were the other way around? What would I feel? What would I do? What would I need? Do this twice a day. Clarity will be your friend. Now, think about this line: I am working on my anxiety by being more relaxed and easier going.