Feeling smothered? How to set a boundary with Kim Fulcher
30 Apr Why am I retelling a silly parable? Well, because all too often in my job as a dating coach, I hear "the coins" complain. They are being unduly gripped and feel they'll suffocate unless they get out. Thus, the harder we try to hold onto the object of our desire, the more likely we are to lose that very same thing. As quoted by you "Basically my past "relationships" have been short and passionate because that's just how I like them", you have commitment issue. Initial phase of any relationship is lot of passion and excitement for each other. One cannot be in. 4 Nov After six years on my own, following the breakdown of a relationship that broke my heart, I am seeing a guy now. He is the loveliest, kindest, most generous, sensitive and hilarious man. And he idolises me -- his words. He is almost perfect in every way. I should be really happy. We argue constantly. A week.
Explanations can go a long way toward a peaceful compromise. Maybe his ex-wife -- and any other ex-girlfriends -- didn't fight back. That allows for the possibility that it is you, not him, who has the issue. Now it seems that it will end up killing our relationship.
Best Health magazine, Summer ; Photo: There is a big difference between someone smothering you and loving you. Smothering is driven by insecurity and selfishness.
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Loving is driven by confidence and generosity. Smothering is based on fear and the need to be together.
Sadly, they don't understand or won't admit to understanding that what they call "show of affection" is a miserable display of their own insecurity. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Here friends are getting annoyed with how little I've They start finding excuses to be apart from you — even within the home.
Loving is based on a healthy wish for connection and the enjoyment of shared time. Smothering is about your partner getting what he needs: You say you feel smothered.
That allows for the possibility that it is you, not him, who has the issue.
Here are questions to ask yourself: Is he overly needy and controlling, or is it that you are uncomfortable accepting connection and intimacy?
It can feel scary to explore deep emotional moments: Do you like to hug and hold eye contact with him, or does that make you feel awkward? Are you able to speak words of love, or do you make a nervous joke because you feel anxious when it comes to deep connection?
If his loving behaviour seems to be healthy yet is more than you can handle, you will benefit from opening up and trusting him to lead you through your resistance to the passion underneath.
An alternative is that you and hubby may simply differ in how you seek intimacy. What makes each of you feel close, connected, witnessed and understood? Some of us thrive on physical affection; some connect through conversation; and some revel in sitting quietly together looking at the stars or watching a movie.
People also differ in how much quiet and space they require. If this is the case, you must find time for yourself so that you can show up for your man with a happy heart. It is also possible that your husband has deeper insecurities and the problem is his, not yours.
Are his texts loving check-ins to wish you a great day, or does click here demand to know where you are at all times? Does he accompany you to the click to see more because he likes hanging out with you, or because he is jealous?
Does he want to spend the whole I Feel Smothered In My Relationship with you because he values and prioritizes your free time together, or because he refuses to let you spend time with anyone but him? If he fears abandonment, he will try to keep himself emotionally safe by dictating your every move. This is unhealthy behaviour. Professional help may be needed to heal any betrayals in his past and teach him to trust your marriage.
Be honest and ask yourself where the problem really lies.
A relationship is like a blanket: It can leave us struggling for air, or enfold us in a warm, safe embrace. Profound connection takes courage, since an open heart is a vulnerable heart. This article was originally titled "Ask a sex and relationships therapist" in the Summer issue of Best Health.
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