How to Stop Fighting in a Relationship and Resolve Conflict in Marriage
Timing is Success
10 Feb You'd like nothing more than to stop the bickering and get back to having a good time. But as we all know, it's difficult to end a fight once it's underway. Sometimes fights with your partner are about core issues in the relationship that need to be hashed out, and these types of arguments can be productive. “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” ~Jon Kabat-Zinn. About six months into a serious relationship with my boyfriend, we started experiencing major conflict. Fighting over small things, flipping out over misunderstandings, we just couldn't seem to get on the same page about anything. This caused me to think. Although they can be painful and unpleasant arguments are common in all kinds of relationships. But disagreements don't have to end in hostile silence or a screaming match.
Arguments are common in all kinds of relationships. Some degree of conflict can even be healthy, as it means both people are expressing themselves, rather than keeping everything inside and letting emotions fester.
Learning ways to handle disagreements constructively is crucial in any relationship. It can be useful to think of an argument like an onion. The outer layer is what you're speaking about, while the deeper layers beneath represent the issues beneath this.
In other words, sometimes what we argue about is only a symptom of what's going wrong, not the cause. For example, Sam gets into an argument with his partner about whether they do their fair share of the household chores. On the surface, the argument may seem to be about something small, but it could also tap into wider feelings about how well supported Sam feels in the relationship generally. It may also remind him of other situations when he has felt let down and unsupported by other people in his life.
Join the Tiny Buddha list for daily or weekly blog posts, exclusive content, and promotions. I never thought that the ability to listen whilst one person talks would prove too difficult for some. What's best for the marriage? Then forgive yourself and your partner and move on. What do you need from her?
You may want to consider other influences too: This could be something like a bereavement, starting a new family, moving house, financial problems, work pressures or just a reaching a relationship milestone such as reaching a big birthday. Maybe you have been spending less quality time together than before?
Has there been an incident that one or both of you is struggling to get over? Did you used to argue less? And if so, why do you think that is? There are lots of destructive things that people do in arguments that tend to make conflict worse rather than help resolve it.
Try to avoid any of the following:. It can take a while to change negative behaviours and learn to disagree in a constructive and calm manner.
However, do try to stick with it — because once you get used to more info through problems in a constructive and calm manner, it can produce some really positive changes in your relationship.
Relationships are always a work in progress. If you find yourself rowing again, look at what happened, think about what you each could have done better, and talk it through. Then forgive yourself and your partner and move on. You are here Home Relationship help Help with relationships Arguing and conflict I can't seem to stop arguing with my partner. What can we do? I can't seem to stop arguing with my partner.
Find out why you're arguing It can be useful to think of an argument like an onion. Choose an appropriate time to talk.
1. Exercise Effective Communication
Try to start the discussion amicably. Don't go in with all guns firing, or with a sarcastic or critical comment. It can be useful to start by saying something positive, such as: A conversation is unlikely to go anywhere productive unless both participants see more listened to.
Making your partner feel heard can be hugely powerful. Keep tabs on physical feelings. Saying something you later regret because you were really worked up is only going to make the fight worse and can leave feelings seriously hurt.
Be prepared to compromise. Often the only way to reach a solution is for both partners to give some ground.
The 1 Question That Can Save Your Relationship
If both of you stick rigidly to your desired outcome, the fight is probably just going to keep going and going. Sometimes, an imperfect solution is better than no solution at all.
How not to argue There are lots of destructive things that people do in arguments that tend to make conflict worse rather than help resolve it. Try to avoid any of the following: This is a total withdrawal and refusal to discuss the issue.
It usually leaves the conversation with nowhere to go. Commenting negatively, over and above the current problem. This behaviour often creates a very defensive response, and so can be the trigger for a real shouting match. For example sneering, belligerence or sarcasm. Aggressively defending and justifying self to the other person. How we can help If you're finding it really difficult to stop arguing, then we can help: Relationship Counselling gives you a chance to talk over any difficult issues in a safe and confidential environment.
By Kira Asatryan February 10, There are lots of destructive things that people do in arguments that tend to make conflict worse rather than help resolve it. Keep tabs on physical feelings. There is no magic secret, rather 12 key steps that anyone can apply. Go to mobile site.
Your counsellor will help you to a have a productive and calm conversation, and make it so you both get a chance to make your perspective known. Everything my partner does irritates me.
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My partner is always criticising me. The top five money issues couples argue about.