You're Upset With Your Boyfriend
Use "I" Statements
5 Apr It toes an unclear, gray line, leaving your partner wondering if they should let it go , follow up with more questions or if they're actually in serious hot water. "Good for you" strongly implies "whatever we're talking about is a positive in your life but a negative in mine, and I'm MAD at you for ignoring how this. 29 May Listen, I don't care how how old you are or how smart you are or how long you've been with your boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever. We're all capable of being ridiculously petty in relationships. The pettiness really comes out when we're irked at our partner. Sometimes it's over something minor like them taking. 10 Oct Next time you're inclined to either “tell him off” or “hold it in,” follow these steps and watch how they powerfully bring your man closer. So, if we're feeling hurt, disappointed and angry, how do we “let it out” truthfully in a way that increases his attraction to us and changes whatever is going on that made us.
As Tiny Buddha grows larger, I find there are a lot more people emailing me with requests. The people pleaser in me wants to say yes to everyone, but the reality is that there is only so much time in the day—and we all have a right to allocate our time as best supports our intentions, needs, and goals. Recently someone contacted me with a request that I was unable to honor. I felt here because I have always struggled with saying no, and this was exactly the type of uncomfortable encounter I generally aim to avoid.
I felt angry because I felt misunderstood and judged, and I wanted him to realize that he was wrong about me.
But me, not the other person. This was really helpful. I have tried volunteering ,but, no response. However, how that anger is expressed depends on the person…. This will help you decide which people you might want to spend more or less time with going forward.
I ended up responding to his email fairly quickly with a little bit of defensiveness, albeit with restraint. After I pressed send, I felt a source angry with myself for letting this bother me. Then I realized that this was a wonderful exercise in learning to deal with anger. Decide that you're not going to do anything until the feeling has less of a grip on you.
Is your learn more here tense? Is your chest burning? Is your throat tightening? Are your legs twitching? Recognize the sensations in your body and What To Do When You Re Mad At Your Boyfriend into those areas to clear the blockages that are keeping you feeling stuck.
You can get yourself all revved-up, stewing in righteousness and mentally rehashing all the ways you were wronged. Or you can talk yourself down from bitter rage into a place of inner calm. Were you having a bad day already? Were you already feeling annoyed or irritated? Look for all areas where you may be projecting your own traits onto someone else to get closer to root of your feelings.
Grab your pen and walk yourself through it step by step. What did the other person do? Are you assuming negative intentions on their part? Have they done this before? How do you feel besides angry—do you feel insecure, frustrated, or confused? Get it all out. Now that you know more clearly what part the other person played in your anger and which part is more about you, write a letter to him or her.
You may send this letter, or you might end up just burning it.
Sometimes one annoyance can open the floodgates to a laundry list of complaints—but no one continue reading well to a barrage of criticism. Stick to the issue at hand, and address the other things at some other time. You can help facilitate this by owning some responsibility—that you will listen if he comes to you instead of getting emotional. This situation taught you something useful about what you value in the people you choose to be friends with—maybe directness, humility, or loyalty.
This will help you decide which people you might want to spend more or less time with going forward. Learn it, own it, act on it.
Expressing Your Anger
This experience was an exercise in expressing yourself in the best way to be heard and understood. There will definitely be more situations like this in the future, so this is good practice for misunderstandings and struggles to come. You probably realized somewhere along this journey that you played some role in the situation.
How to Communicate When You're Mad at Your Boyfriend
Very rarely is it black and white. Once you own your part, now you can use that knowledge to create more peaceful relationships going forward. Her latest book Tiny Buddha's Gratitude Journalwhich includes 15 coloring pages, is now available for purchase. Especially in the heat of the moment anger is hard to controll. Breathing deeply and counting to ten, just trying to de-escalate the situation really helps me.
If we can refrain from lashing out and instead seek to understand and help, usually the situation will solve itself. The letter tip is a very good strategy when dealing with anger. When I am really mad, I write it all out. Then I sit on the letter for a day.
If I am still angry, I write more. I rip them up, as a symbolic way of please click for source go of the anger.
Then I try to answer to the situation in the most objective way possible. I struggle with saying no and struggle with asking for a favour also, so much so that I avoid people, have become completely self-sufficient and quite a boring person! It is OK to want or need something from someone else. I have a choice to ask someone for what I want or need. I can insist on my rights and still be an OK person. I sometimes have a right to assert myself, even though it may inconvenience others.
Giving, giving, giving is not the be-all of life. I am an important person in this world too. They will probably know that too. I am under no obligation to say yes to people simply because they ask a favour of me. The fact that I say no to someone does not make me a selfish person. I can still feel good about myself, even What To Do When You Re Mad At Your Boyfriend someone else is annoyed with me.
Thank you for your article, it is going to be a valuable resource for me in the very near future! I appreciate your thoughtful work so much. I know I have a problem wtih confrontation.
I also have some confusion with anger becasue when I was young, anger was never an appropriate response. I remember the first time my boyfriend made me mad — I sat there and thought: This is quite helpful as a way to see what others are doing that might even be similar to some one that angers us.
So, how to avoid situations that may make us angry?
How do people live their life and continue! Then try your best to decide to be like those things rather than like your family member s. You are most welcome Earl. However, click person has responded by completely blaming someone or something else for her flaws or shortcomings and even said to be fair to me, she has been rather impatient because her husband has similar negative traits.
We are all just trying to feel good. It often does it with anger or judgment.
22. THINGS THAT WILL GET YOUR BOYFRIEND MAD @JayFluent
For him it was criticizing you and for you it was anger at him. As you say, the remedy is to accept what it is that we are feeling, take responsibility for creating it and remember, nothing is personal.
We get to see through our interaction with others where we are not loving ourselves. I could relate to what you wrote in a big Read more. I think a lot of my adult people-pleasing tendencies come from my childhood. This was really helpful to read.
But I also know we are all responsible for own feelings. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Alida. I spent a long time being the hermit—it felt like a smart way to avoid to get messy.
And these types of situations and feelings definitely feel messy. You bring up a great point about righteous anger. I was just thinking today about how easy it is to cling to anger when you feel justified. You will be punished by your anger.
You are most welcome! Thank you for being part of this community.
That sounds like a smart idea. I find that when I write out a letter like this, I often include way more detail than I really need to communicate to the other person. Sometimes when someone seems hurtful, I assume they intended to be. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Feeling Anger is NOT a bad thing. This was a great piece, Lori. I can only imagine how many emails you get asking for help, support, money, etc. I have a complicated relationship with anger, because I grew up in a house where it was a go-to emotion for my parents, and there was a lot of yelling, blaming and making everyone feel bad, but then never any calm discussion about resolving issues afterward, so everything just piled up.
I also was not allowed to stand up for myself or give an opinion from a very early age, so I had a lifetime of anger and resentment built up just from that let alone all of the other things I encourntered as a teenager!
It really took me years to undo all the baggage Click at this page was carrying for all that time which had greatly coloured my relationships and how I communicated. The tips listed here are so helpful—this article is a great reminder for me to deal with anger in the healthiest way possible and use it as a learning experience.
Thanks for this post. Much love to you for putting this out into the world. Hey Lori, these are great suggestions for how to take our anger and learn from it. I actually just wrote a post about this too. This was so needed by me right now for the exactly the same reason.