Who Is Too Young or Too Old for You to Date? | Psychology Today
27 Oct Firstly I'm 22, so don't tell me I am an old man babysnatching I was just wondering, does TRP promise this unrealistic reward to older guys. check thread directory!So. this is an entirely hypothetical question.. but is it bad for a 20 year old girl to be dating a 30 year old guy? There. The problem is, I don't know how much of a red flag the age difference is. I'm in my late late 20's and I simply cannot imagine dating a 20 year old under ANY circumstances. She is taking a balanced perspective on this, and she realizes that even though this guy seems perfect now, things could go very.
February 14, 2: Is this a cause for concern? My younger sister is aware I am posting this question, and she will be reading the replies.
According to her, everything is brilliant and wonderful and he is a prince who treats her with respect, love, and affection. I am posting to query how problematic this age difference is considered by mefites, whom I consider a good barometer on this sort of thing. Details about the relationship that may or may not be relevant: She and I were both raised by strict religious mormon parents.
We both independently left this religion years ago for saner pastures. We were taught some good and many deeply 30 Year Old Man Dating 20 Year Old, woman hating, and patriarchal things about love, sex, and relationships.
She still lives at home with our parents. She would not be homeless, because she could come live with me, but given that I live in another state she is not super fond of, I am sure she wouldn't prefer that.
Because of the very high cost of rent where she lives with my parents and the fact that she is in college, she cannot get a place of her own until she finishes school so suggestions to move out are see more very helpful.
She works with him, and they are keeping their relationship private for now because of that. This was a mutual decision, although they are both anxious to be public. He treats her very well and with a lot of respect and kindness. She says he has been wonderful, caring, and gentlemanly to her.
THe relationship has moved somewhat fast, and she says this is the first time she has felt such mutual love and commitment. She is mature as any 20 year old I know.
The age issue doesn't make me blink. Well, I understand five years can make a lot of difference, but my mom stepmom actually married my dad when she was And there is no strange life experience power-balance of any kind. Honestly, if they're that rich, they have the means to support themselves. Not unrealistic per se, but definitely less likely than a girl preferring someone a few years older.
However, I know at 20 years old I still had a lot of growing up to do. She is more mature than me than I was at that age though. So basically, this is a relationship where other than the age difference, there aren't really any huge red flags. The problem is, I don't know how much of a red flag the age difference is. I'm in my late late 20's and I simply cannot imagine dating a 20 year old under ANY circumstances. She is taking a balanced perspective on this, and she realizes that even though this guy seems perfect now, things could go very wrong and is she is open to more information and perspectives.
So, hive mind- please tell us, how worrisome or problematic is this age difference? I think it's a bit of a concern, but I also think 30 Year Old Man Dating 20 Year Old should mind your own business. You are only going to alienate your sister by telling her who she should and shouldn't date and isn't that exactly the problem with your parents, that they are trying to control her choices?
I suspect this guy might be a lot less attractive if your parents weren't so strict. As long as your sister is using birth control and otherwise taking care of herself, then I wouldn't worry. It's not THAT big of a deal. A lot of young women date older men and get over it when they grow up a little more themselves.
Honestly, the only thing that causes me concern in the facts laid out above is that they work together. There's a reason everyone always says to stay out of office place romances.
In fact, given everything else you say, this sounds like a great relationship.
I hope that the workplace stuff doesn't mess it up. Don't worry about the age difference. My default attitude toward that age difference would be skepticism but openness.
It's not hard to be in your 30s but at a "place in life" that's more associated with early 20s; if she's relatively mature at 20, that can match up pretty well. So, yeah, I don't blame you for being a little uneasy over this. Doesn't sound like a problem to me. I think this is so situation specific as to defy a generalization. It sounds like your sister is handling it well and aware of the risks.
If it were me and I were you, I would give my sister support and not comment beyond what you have already. The age difference is big, but if she's as mature as you say 30 Year Old Man Dating 20 Year Old is, and they seem to be good together, it's probably ok. I would be more worried about what would happen if when? It's far more likely that she would move in with him than with you, given that she's in school and has a job in her state.
That seems like bad news waiting to happen. The worrisome aspect would be him ready for a commitment she's not ready for--marriage, kids, etc. The best thing would be for her to really clarify her goals College? Moving for job opportunities? In general, I wouldn't say that a year-old dating a year-old raises any immediate red flags.
I do worry that she's perhaps jeopardizing her current living situation due to point 2. I personally see nothing wrong with pre-marital sex, and even encourage it, but I'm not her parents. She needs to tread lightly, and perhaps investigate the possibility of moving out before she's College Gay Republicans With Boys Girls out. Parents are a lot less likely to find out what a child's sex life is like when the child doesn't live at home.
Better to be out in the open about it than be keeping this sort of thing a secret that may later backfire or be grounds for dismissal. Again, the age difference isn't a big deal, but the circumstances surrounding the relationship may be.
What type of position is she in, that is, is she some sort of intern who when done with school will be vaulted into a better position than her counterpart?
Is he married or ever been? The age difference should not really raise a concern, I figure once someone is past say around 23 or 24 and up until 45 ish the only thing age really is is a number, and perhaps you might be slightly better at trivia if you are on the upper end of that range since you have lived a little longer and might be more familiar with older pop things, but other than that it appears you are wanting to make sure his true intentions is to be with your sister and there isn't something you are missing, so I would work with the above questions read more go from there.
Most people will say if she's happy don't worry about it, and well this can be true, girls at 30 Year Old Man Dating 20 Year Old frat house who are hopped up on xtacy about to be date raped are happy as well, its only after the high has worn off and the realization about what has occurred sets in are they not happy. That is, she is happy, which is why she's told you about this to share her joy. See more, are you sure this is not some sort of act of rebellion on her part, and by cluing you in that can be effectuated by you cluing in your parents, she still lives at home and as you note is actively aware it could be cause for disruption of her living situation, but it's possible your parents will still weigh high cost of living and let her stay, just be disgruntled.
My sister is 39 and is married to a guy who is in his 70s. They're adults, nobody is forcing either of them, and it sounds like she's being treated well. He may very well treat her better than the immature guys her age will.
He's not old enough to be her father, or even a father figure. Yes, the "they work together" thing and the "they keep it secret" thing are concerning, as is to a lesser extent, for me the "somewhat different ages and stages" thing, but in the secular world, people generally have lots of relationships and most of them don't work out.
Finally, a very distant last, verging on something that is only going to be a problem because your parents will look for problems that don't exist 3 the age difference. Everything you say about your sister and her partner makes me think the age difference is something they are going to handle well. If it helps you to get past the age difference, remember this guy was in his twenties a few months ago.
Without any evidence that this guy is mistreating your sister or using her, I wouldn't be worried, especially if your sister is mature and generally makes sensible decisions about important things. I have been involved with someone eight years younger than me, and our relationship is both stable and long term.
Honestly, I'd be more worried about the possible repercussions of dipping the pen in company ink than anything else given the facts you've presented. But it sounds like they're aware of those risks, too. Well, I understand five years can make a lot of difference, but my mom stepmom actually married my dad when she was He was nine years older, and they are still happily married, 35 years later.
They came from a similar conservative background to yours. Does your sister's boyfriend understand or identify at all with your sister's background?
Is marriage sometime in the next few years a possibility, or no? Does he have a sexual background way different from hers? The age difference in itself is not a problem.
Depends on the couple, honestly It's much, much bigger than later twenty-year gaps. Will your next installment cover that age bracket?
Problems arise only if they have different expectations or assumptions about how their relationship will work out. Things like money, in-laws, religion, kids are more important than age as she considers possible relationship roadblocks. It sounds like this guy is great, so I'd say she should continue dating him while keeping her eyes open and figuring the rest of this stuff out. I'm click she still has some growing up to do; all year-olds do, even the mature ones.
So why would it serve the purpose of helping her grow up by convincing her to remove herself from a situation that We learn by doing; we grow by experiencing.
If things "go wrong" and relationship ends, then she'll learn and grow from that. Not having your first relationship work out is not the worst thing that can happen to someone; article source, it can be the best.
What you can imagine is right for you is not what is right for everyone else. This is a good approach. This happened, 30 Year Old Man Dating 20 Year Old in love and he's treating her well by all accounts.
She just needs to make sure she's treating him well. The age difference is is something that will bother other people, but if it doesn't bother them, then that's fine. In the end, it's their relationship and they, not the world or even you, have to be happy with it. This might sound click bit out of left field, but is it possible that some of your Mormon upbringing might still be affecting your thinking a bit?
I say this only because my extended family has a healthy serving of observant Mormons, and there is a cultural pressure to marry strong view of sex outside of marriage as extremely sinful, leading to many people marrying in their early 20's.
Find the good stuff
You may be unwittingly seeing that a guy who is single at 30 as a bit of a red flag-- because it's a bit unusual for Mormon guys to make it to 30 still single-- so you might be unconsciously wondering if there is an issue source makes him not great relationship material.