Shit Graduate Students Say
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6 Dec But ever since I started graduate school (new town, a little over 2 yrs) my dating life had pretty much been non existent. Even meeting people outside my department is a challenge, let alone finding someone I would like to date. How do you guys do it? A bit more detail on my situation: Unfortunately I'm in a. For me, it was wonderful. We were able to support each other through some very difficult times because we sympathized with what the other was going through ( non-grad students sometimes have a hard time really "getting" just how brutal grad school. How has being in graduate school affected your marriage, relationship, family? Do you have any regrets? home and cook for her. In short, the lack of structure of grad school and dating someone who doesn't understand the expectations in getting a doctoral degree made sure my relationship was DOA.
Given a previous topic on this forum, I believe strongly that a thread specific to dating and maintaining romantic relationships while working on a PhD is warranted. I am single and have not ever been in a "serious" relationship with someone. I find myself feeling lonely and wanting to date, but there are a number of things that are specific to those in PhD programs.
I'll open this thread up for people to share their personal experiences of dating while in grad school and what they learned particularly how it applies to training for a research career. There are definitely complications.
DATING IN GRAD SCHOOL (THE MOST ROMANTIC THING I'VE EVER DONE)
However, it's hard to meet people. I have the added complication of being a lesbian, and from what I can tell there are very few of us around. There are people I like, including one I think is probably also a lesbian, but it's hard to tell. The dating pool is limited by ethical concerns involved with grad students dating professors.
I mean, I would have no issue dating a professor -- it's not like there's a huge age gap between me and many of them -- but I suspect the school would not like it. So, yes, it is difficult to negotiate dating in grad school if you want to date someone who understands the amount of time you need to spend on work and who is on the same or a similar level as you in terms of intellect and education I do want to date someone who meets both of those criteria, in general -- I don't much care if the person is not in my field.
I'm sure I'm limiting myself with this, and that that makes it even harder to meet people, but I just can't see myself having a successful relationship with someone outside of academia at the moment.
Even for those who are married or in a long-term-relationship, it's definitely a challenge. I was married before I started my Ph. On the one hand, it can be a link boon to have a support system.
Grad school is stressful and even the really good students deal with rejection on a pretty regular basis. On the other hand, it can be tricky. Academic has its own culture and it can be very difficult for anyone who is not an academic to understand Plus, a dissertation is not something that can be done overnight. I have a married friend whose wife has become very frustrated with his slow progress. She's got some legitimate beefs, but he's not really that far off from what it typically takes.
And there's also the financial strains. On the other hand, given the competitiveness and two-body problem academics can face, you need a pretty strong marriage and good communication skills to weather that AND it won't go away once you're finished. Really, it can be so easy to get sucked into your own work that I think the key is to make darned certain that you make time for the relationship and I mean time not spent kvetching about your advisor or dissertation.
It's much worse when you're living at home rent-free is nice tho, thanks fam surrounded by kids you went to here school with that are doing virtually nothing with their lives. And there's also the financial strains. Everyone else I've met is already committed. If I have to work late, he makes something for his dinner and I have leftovers whenever I get back.
Make time to ask them about their day. Grad school is stressful, but that doesn't mean that your partner doesn't also deal with stress. Express appreciation for them.
Don't take them or the relationship for granted. I think what makes dating in graduate school so challenging is that both of you are under intense stress most of the time. I met my wife working at a crappy part-time job before starting grad school, so we already thoroughly got to know one another and became very comfortable together before adding on all that stress though it is very stressful during the application process hoping to both get in to the same university.
I have seen so much drama between my cohort when it comes to dating.
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I can't figure out if it is due to some amount of immaturity that is greater than normal people our age are grad students more immature? If that is somewhat normal, I would prefer to be single during grad school.
I think that marriage and family would count as a relationship for this thread, so I'll tell my story many of the issues are the same as dating believe it or not. So I met my wife online and we began dating as I was finishing up my undergraduate work. I then moved to the other side of the Learn more here for grad school and she link where she was she does social work type stuff and I do STEM ; this meant a long distance relationship with me visiting every couple of months until we got married the next year.
Once we were married she moved to where I was at and it was interesting at first. Like Chaosbydesign, my wife didn't understand at first how much time I was required to give up. I couldn't come home at 5 pm for dinner or drop everything on the weekend and go for a drive because I had experiments to run.
It was really hard at first, but we worked Dating A Guy In Grad School it and she is now very supportive of me. I probably would have had a harder time finishing up my MS and getting through my quals without her supporting me. Now we have a son almost two now Dating A Guy In Grad School another one on the way.
Real Live College Guy Sean: Participate in click religious doctrine? Any things you would do or would have done differently? In any case, if you just focus on the dates you're not having, then you're going to end up more depressed than not, or eventually find someone whom you don't really like and are dating just to date. You probably do have time, you just have to prioritize it.
It's much harder to try and make a toddler understand that you can't play right now or that you go to work early in the morning and don't get back until late. Or that when I am typing things I really don't go here help tying, though it's cute that he is trying to help he gets so proud that he helped.
So I do what I can; when I have free time I play with my son and we do things as a family. I even take my son to the greenhouse to water plants with me he loves it btw.
So having a fulfilling relationship in grad school is not impossible, it just takes a lot of time and effort and somebody that is willing to try too.