My Ex Wants To Stay Friends: Good Or Bad Idea When Still In Love After A Breakup
When you should (and shouldn’t) stay friends with an ex
Hi folks! As you can all see I'm new to ENA. I'd like to hear about any successful stories for people who got back together with their exes after staying in touch and being friends for a period of time. This includes whether it's you personally or someone else you know. And please include details of the story. 6 Apr But if you do get to decide, there is no Google Calendar alert that pops up to tell you the timing is right. (Though who knows if I would've followed them back then!) The first thing Much like being in a romantic relationship, remaining friends with an ex requires that you're both looking for similar things. As matter of fact desperation is the one thing that would probably drive your ex away. So how do you maintain a friendly but distant relationship with your ex? You have to start slowly and take baby steps here. No grand gestures and no sudden professing your undying love for them it would be a bit too soon for that!.
Remaining friends after a breakup can initially seem like a great idea. But hang on a minute, does that sound like the back-bone of platonic friendship to you? After-all, breaking up does not necessarily signify the end of love, although it may herald the end of romantic desire a distinction which can be highly confusing for the dumpee.
What it isis a last-ditched effort at hanging on for dear life. I personally happen to feel that when it comes to getting back together, none of these points are of any real value in terms of rekindling attraction and repairing romance because they are all products of insecurity. Instead of attempting to keep the relationship glued together with anything you can, consider the benefits of letting the offer of friendship slip for the moment.
None of this means you have to forgo contact entirely.
But it does mean erecting strong barriers aimed at protecting your feelings by promoting honesty. If tapping into a play-by-play highlight-reel of your ex moving on is something that we cannot http://hnusta.info/se/what-christian-men-want-in-a-woman.php, we should avoid putting ourselves in exactly this situation and it will happen!
They have you, and anything else they want, at the same time — why would they want to change that? Continue reading behind a facade of platonic friendship in an effort to stave off insecurity will destroy your chances of getting back together far quicker than putting yourself first ever will.
We broke up due to my insecurities and possessive attitude. And i do regret it! The thing is, I never stopped contacting him. And throughout the year, we had some fights here and there. And sometimes, he did text me nicely and there are certain times that he just ignored me.
But I still keep contacting him saying hello and all, even for today.
How To Get An Ex Back By Being A Friend
And it makes me feel so sad and lonely. And yes, I do want him back. Even if he is starting to ignore me. Do you think it is too late for me to apply the No Contact rule to get his attention back?
Can Exs Be Friends And Get Back Together?
Or is it that, I have lost the chance to get my ex back forever? I am scared of the fact he might meet someone else as he is having a good time going to the clubs almost every night. I did tell him so many times. There are times tht he shows a good response. But the next minute, he will change his mind and ignore me. But lately, it seems to get worse. He only replied to certain texts. And the worst thing is, he starts to talk about his first love.
All the begging, pleading.
You should always bear in mind that if you are wondering how to get an ex back, that kindness goes a great distance. Time does heal all injuries nevertheless if you find that there is room in your heart to be nice and cordial, you must perform this task. Hogi has a litmus test for deciding whether to be friends with an ex: I agree that both parties need to detach with their feelings in order for successful reconciliation to occur. The first time source broke up with me and I went into NC, she kind of lost it and started to morealess blame me by saying things like:
Didnt work at all. Its making me feel sad and frustrated. I want him to see that I am able to change my attitude and be better. How can I do that if I stop contacting him?
By breaking this pattern of behavior you will demonstrate change without communicating it. Making it much more believable than simply using words. Think of the effect that his increased distance has had on you. Has it catalyzed or diminished your desire to reconcile? If complete and utter silence is not manageable, even reducing contact may make him wonder what changes are occuring on your end of life, the same way a reduction in his contact has sparked you to ask the same question.
We tried it and it was an unmitigated disaster. In the end, it was me who became the emotional support for the breakup, thanks to everyone else we know either keeping out of the way, or offering all the same opinion that he had made a huge mistake.
Can exes be friends? Because why would you? You are only providing the ex a safety net being in the picture, and in their eyes you lose your value, from my recent experience it is not worth it.
Not to mention the mind games that come with it, a never ending trail of guess work and hurt. And now that the tables have turned, its just a mess. I agree that the only way as I have learnt in the past, is to keep moving forward with your healing and space, if they come around at a later stage, depending on the circumstances, you may or may not want to open the doors when the opportunity strikes.
What were once strong feelings for him had faded to a simple fondness; the pain from the breakup a year ago was gone. But thats just me I guess. Has anyone ever managed to get their ex back through remaining friends? They'll prove helpful in determining if your strategy is working or not working.
Terry, thanks again for your insightful feedback! I agree with you, although I do believe that friendship can eventually happen, but only once the dust has settled for both and herein lies the problem. The problem is that while romance can glide naturally for some into platonicism, it rarely does for both concurrently, at least in a constant and enduring way. I do know couples that have maintained friendship after a bitter breakup, but this kind of reconciliation usually happens quite a ways down the line.
Personally, knowing myself, I know that even if feelings tend to fade, they have the remarkable ability to flare up unexpectedly, and so I prefer a clean cut. To each their own! Breakup guilt is reduced.
Should You Accept a Friendship With Your Ex?
They are able to keep their romantic options open and can still count on their ex for a measure of affection and support. They get to avoid acute separation grief and potentially traumatic confrontation.
The lines of communication remain open. The feeling that you still have a say in their lives that your enduring presence can prevent them from drifting away. That contact which is initiated by the dumper, or reciprocated by the dumper is a potential sign they may be coming around.
A highly addictive and draining cycle of over-analysis which will cement insecurity but continue to offer an outlet for hope. The overall fueling of hope, and the distancing of grief. Improving Your Chances Opting for space and more info apart will give your ex the chance to miss you.
If real, objective remorse over the breakup happens, it will not occur if you they continue to take your affection and attention for granted.
They must be given the chance to know what life without you entails. Time apart will balance the emotional equation in your favor if you are the one who was dumped. Time will promote healing passively, and usher in objectivity, giving you more control over friendship or reconciliation later on.
Nor is it a betrayal of the history you helped build. If anything, it is a sign that you cared enough not to jeopardize it. I am so clueless now. Does he know how you feel about reconciling? Thanks for sharing your story and reasoning Susan, in the main I agree with you! I had to learn the hard way that friendship after a break up is a bad idea!