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Need no-fail dating advice from women who can get guys without much effort? Emily Blackwood for YourTango explain the essential rules behind playing hard to. 26 May Playing hard to get may seem pointless, but it's not. When done correctly, it gives the relationship a bit of extra excitement. The problem with playing hard to get is that it backfires sometimes. Whoever was playing hard to get was playing wrong, playing too hard to get. It's a fine, fuzzy line. Error loading. How to Play Hard to Get and Become Instantly Attractive. How to play hard to get is not a complicated question and it is extremely effective in gaining the attention of guys and keeping their interest. Playing hard to get, if done correctly, is a lot more effective than people give it credit for. It's no secret that guys want things that.

I have written several posts covering the research on playing hard to get. I have also explored research confirming that teasing someone in such ways increases desire, but decreases friendly feelings —along with the general benefits of making a partner work for your affections, too.

In the first study, Jonason and Li asked an initial set of participants to list the behaviors that people use to play hard to get—while a second set of participants rated the frequency of such behaviors. Overall, the authors listed 58 behaviors that people employ when playing hard click get, including:.

In the second study, Jonason and Li evaluated why men and women play hard to get, as well as the characteristics associated with each reason. They were also more likely to be used by those with narcissistic or manipulative personalities some of whom also played hard to get to cover that they were actually dating other people, too. Participants were asked to rate their interest based on scenarios of potential partners who were described as either very easy to get low availability ; very hard to get high availability ; or in between medium availability.

The results showed that both men and women preferred very easy to get partners for short-term sex, but preferred partners who had medium availability for dates and relationships. They can also be a way to test a partner's level of interest and commitment. As other research notes, the approach of playing hard to get is a trade-off between desire and frustration —pulling the potential partner in and then pushing them away.

As a result, you begin the process by building initial interest and getting attention, then switch gears by becoming aloof and letting others chase you.

Playing hard to get requires that you first learn how to be attractive to others in different ways and know how to get their attention. Many of the remaining behaviors associated with playing hard click get are ways of prolonging the chase—and these tactics assume that interest is already present. The objective is to be "moderately" hard to get and selective, not completely inaccessible and off-limits. This is especially true when you want to establish or maintain a longer-term relationship.

How To Play Hard To Get To A Guy

After all, sometimes you have to let the other person "catch" you to reward their chasing. Make sure you get the next article: Click here to sign up to my Facebook page. Neither one of these men were capable of love. And when I finally left my hard to get lover, he was the one who came running after me. But the gig was up! Playing games can be fun for both sides. Maybe he didn't realize you were the type to suffer from it.

And maybe that realization made him true to his emotions when u left. Did I bring your shame to the surface. Got your mask ripped off and couldn't handle the shame. You know dam good and well that no one wants anyone that they can manipulate. Teaching people how to play hard to get only causes them to turn more narcissistic. My next post will be to the editor.

Martha, I really like what you said about boundaries. Maybe I'm misunderstanding your point, but that's how I've taken it. In the past I've allowed myself to chase people that were hard to get. That's what brought me to this article. Lacking the balance to not spill my emotions completely, I got hurt a lot.

So, I really appreciate your comment. It was a pretty helpful insight. Looks like the comments so far are mostly from people who are projecting their own frustrating experience onto the general concept here.

How To Play Hard To Get To A Guy

The author clearly states that the key is striking the right by not be impossible to get.

Because going to far either way reduces your value in the eyes of many. Both men and women want people who are a little hard to get. I believe you're talking about my whiny comment. The whining comment is a response to the author selectively deleting my original comment because he couldn't handle being called out.


And how would you characterize a person who "diagnoses" another in this manner on the internet? And, incidentally, there are plenty of narcissistic people in history who've made huge contributions to society, so your juvenile characterization is pointless in any case. You're a fool to make a judgement with only half of a story. My original comment was removed and the author doesn't have the intestinal fortitude to put it back up.

I would be surprised if he did. My original comment is a retaliation to a bully. The author is nothing more than an emotional bully that is teaching people how to use the hard to get mind games to emotionally bully other people. Any form of emotional manipulation is a form of bullying and needs to be called out. What the author is teaching can very easily cause suicidal behavior in the victim. Also once the perpetrator of the hard to get head game realizes that they are able to manipulate the emotions of the victim the lose any attraction and they may have had for their victim.

My original comment retaliates to the authors bullying article in a way that a bully would understand. It is full of How To Play Hard To Get To A Guy and anger. It is not disguised as help like the author wants people to believe his article is. How in the hell does this article help one person by teaching them to hurt another.

Hard to get played intentionally is a game. Games require a winner and a looser. Love is NOT a game. With love, either you both win or you both lose. I read more totally understand why people in the comments sections of this website are constantly attacking you. You are so pathetically INSECURE that you have blatantly attacked everyone in these comment sections in a feeble attempt to make yourself feel better about yourself.

How Attractive Woman Play Hard to Get | POPSUGAR Love & Sex

I hope you're going to be ok with yourself someday. I'll say a prayer for you. Best of luck Gary, you'll be ok, someday. If you have a crush on someone you're working closely with on a project at work, and you decide to pretend you don't, is that being "naturally balanced"? Some would say that's a "big energy draining ACT". But being open and honest about it could create a lot of problems too, depending on the situation. Because if your words had precise meaning that everybody understood, there would be no need for any advice articles, except for the simple statement "be natural and balanced".

True, but not that helpful! LOL Thats like sayying if everyone was thin they wouldn't need to wear spanx. Desptie the perfect images ppl try to construct most ppl have bad to mediocre jobs and watch tons of TV.

Their lives are not exciting. And most ppl are pretty desperate to have a partner. Thanks Jordan, your comment made me feel better about my life, that I'm not the only one watching tons of TV and wishing for a partner: I wish that some people writing in comments on this article would take their road rage elsewhere. I, for one, do not wish to listen to their in-fighting and rude, snarky passive-aggressive remarks.

Please leave us readers in peace. I guess I'm strange but playing hard to get has never worked on me. I just get bored and move onto someone else. I know men are supposed to like "a challenge" but life is challenging enough in my opinion. If I show interest and the woman doesn't show interest back I just move on. I've always been that way too.

In some ways you are Very How To Play Hard To Get To A Guy. I hope I am right when I assume you generally are a real person, not a bucn of Bs and generally dont' want to hurt pp. Nevertheless, I'd be proud to be a woman.

Post Comment Your name. And most ppl are pretty desperate to have a partner. Apparently you're supposed to mix showing interest and feigned disinterest with girls, to make them want you more and try and come after you a little bit and win your approval. I believe you're talking about my whiny comment.

Perhaps you were thinking that was an insult, in which case it says loads about your mindset and the insecurities you attribute to others. Can you say "reaction formation"? Alright, so what is the difference between strategically limiting one's availability, and playing the kind of games that people of my age early 30s and looking for something serious should have actually outgrown?

Get Listed on Psychology Today. Or he could have been just a player. You know dam good and well Submitted by Neil on June 29, - Boundaries and Balance Submitted by Ryan on June 30, - Enough with the whining and bellyaching Submitted by Gary g on June 30, - 1: Submitted by Martha A.

The Men's Guide to Playing Hard to Get

He has displayed typical narcissistic behavior and hidden his shame to protect his ego. He has displayed typical Submitted by Gary g on June 30, - You're a fool to make a Submitted by Neil on July 2, - 9: The psychological community needs to look at the ramifications of what they are teaching.

But you should never sacrifice your health or well-being for someone else. Gary is a tool Submitted by Jackson on July 3, - Never put his life before your own. In case you are wondering is he worth dating, you have to be clear on what you want.